I really enjoy movies. I love to sit down at home and relax with Megan as we drift off into the world of make believe. One of the things that I have noticed over the years is that movies have gotten just plain bad. I’m not even talking about the total crudeness of them (that is obvious), I am talking about they just aren’t any good. A lot of times I will walk out of a movie theater thinking that they should have paid me to go and see the ridiculousness that I just watched. There are however some movies that pass the test of time. Probably the greatest of all of these movies is one that has it all. You want action-how about an incredible sword fight by two men that aren’t even left handed? You want adventure-how about a journey through a fire swamp filled with rodents of unusual size (ROUS’s)? You want intrigue-how about one man’s quest to find the six fingered man? You want love-how about a kiss that blows the top ten kisses right out of the water? You want a giant-how about the world’s greatest in Andre the Giant? You want twists and turns-how about Prince Humperdink trying to kill his new wife and blame it on the people of Gilder? You want greatness? You want perfection? Then there is only one movie for you-The Princess Bride. This is the greatest movie of all time. It is a work of art that is up there with the Mona Lisa and Michelangelo’s David. If The Princess Bride were a person it’s name would be Deeds, that is how amazing it is. For asking us if anyone wants a peanut, climbing the Cliffs of Insanity, telling us that “as you wish” is another way of saying “I love you”, introducing us to the Dread Pirate Roberts, making us wonder what the word inconceivable meant, giving us nightmares of the pit of despair, telling us to never get involved in a land war in Asia, showing us the importance of building up an immunity to iocane powder, helping us to figure out whether we should choose the cup in front of us, and for reminding us that true love doesn’t happen everyday, I give The Princess Bride 5 Carmonies – and the title of WORLD’S GREATEST MOVIE!
So, there are very few things in this world that everyone can believe in. There will always be debate between Caswell or Crossroads, Golden China or China Wok, chunky or creamy peanut butter, and of course which is better-State, Duke or UNC. There are however, a couple of things that all of humanity can agree on. One such thing is that dogs are far and away superior to cats. The only thing that makes cats cool is the fact that they can be huge; like tigers, lions and of course the liger, which was bred for it’s martial arts skills. When it comes to the average run of the mill house cat and dog, there is little to no competition. Take my dog for example. I have a dog named Chatham. Chatham is named after the street in which some old man pulled up his beat up old truck and dumped her in my hands. I was only going to keep Chatham until I could find a place for her to live, but I instantly fell in love with her and she has been a part of the Carmona family ever since. I will take you through a typical day in the life of Chatham. Chatham wakes up when Megan and I wake up. When she hears the alarm go off, she quietly jumps off of the couch in the living room and ambles into our bedroom where she lies down. She thinks that she is quite sneaky, but we know from the amount of dog hair on the couch where she has been. Chatham then lies on the floor right in the middle of our room as we try and get ready. She does absolutely nothing to get out of our way. I think she thinks that if she is still no one will know where she was sleeping. She is then taken outside where she relieves herself. This is a good thing because she is a big dog. If she were to go inside it would be catastrophic. When Megan and I go off to work she immediately jumps back on the couch and lies there. I think that she has figured out the channel changer and tunes into Animal Planet all day long. I usually come home for lunch and when I do I can look through the window on our door and see her jump off of the couch just in time for me to walk in. Sometimes if I forget to close the door to the bedroom she gets on our bed. Megan is not happy when I do this. I sit and watch television while at lunch and Chatham just lies on the floor at my feet. I leave for church and Chatham assumes her position on the couch. When we return for the evening, Chatham is there lying on her back wanting us to rub her tummy. If she was good we will, if there is trash that she chewed up, then we won’t. When we make dinner, something Megan and I like to do together, Chatham just lies on the floor in the kitchen. If food were to happen to fall she won’t even go over to lick it up. She expects us to pick it up and walk over to her and feed her. The key for Chatham is to have the least amount of physical activity possible in a day. While we are eating Chatham does not beg. She knows to pick her battles. She knows that if she begs she gets nothing, so she just waits until we are done for her to get the scraps. After dinner is Chatham’s favorite part of the day. She gets to get in the car and ride over to church to lock it up. She gets to chase after rabbits and squirrels, bark at deer, and eat any food left over from a youth BBQ or family picnic that fell on the ground (she once found a whole hot dog and bun in the bushes in front of the fellowship hall). When it is time to go to bed, Chatham lies down in the bedroom only to leave about 10 minutes later for the couch, where she sleeps and dreams of how she will ever get through another tiring day. For being a super awesome dog and not being a cat at all, I give Chatham 5 Carmonies.
Oh yeah, she is also an awesome guard dog. Whenever someone comes to the door she barks and then runs and hides in another room.
So National Geographic ran a contest last year to find the new 7 Wonders of the World. As you can see from the pictures, the winners were very much deserving. However, I believe that the writers of that magazine made a glaring mistake. That mistake is when they decided to leave the great star of Roanoke completely off of the ballot. Now, I’ll admit, seeing the star during the day leaves a lot to be desired, but once the sun goes down and the star lights up, magic happens. Because I feel so bad for the star, I have decided to bestow upon it an even greater honor. That’s right, we will give it a Carmonie column. Now the star is pretty ugly during the day. It is just a huge hunk of metal next to a couple of radio towers. But the night time is definitely the right time to gaze upon that massive celestial replica. The star is the world’s largest man made star, no “wonder” on the list can claim that on their resume. Sure the Great Wall is Great, The Coloseum is Colossal, and the city of Petra was used to house the Holy Graile (at least according to Indiana Jones), but the Star of Roanoke gives the whole city light, it gives the city it’s nickname of “The Star City of the South”. I don’t see any town in China being called “The Walled City of China” and Rio is definitely not called “The Christ City of South America”. Now I don’t mean to bad-mouth these other Wonders, but I just think that the Star gets it’s due. These wonders are definitely deserving, almost as much as the great Star. For being the greatest man made piece of junk in the world and not complaining about it not being on the new 7 Wonders list, I give the Star of Roanoke 3 and three quarters Carmonies (hey, it is pretty ugly during the day).
So, after much consideration, the powers that be have decided to add the Carmonies to the blog. We (and by we I mean me) are super excited about this. For those of you who have no idea what a Carmonie is, it is more or less a rating system I use to decide the value of something. Carmonies are ranked on a 0-5 scale with 0 the worst and 5 the best. So using this scale the Red Sox would get a 5 while the Yankees would get a 0. Very easy to understand and oh so fun to play. Today’s Carmonie ranking will go to the place in which I will eat at later tonight. This place is J & S Pizza. Now not too many people are patrons of this wonderful eating establishment because there are tons of new pizza joints and many, many chain restaurants, but you can’t go wrong with this icon. J & S is the best for one reason-GREASE. You honestly can’t have a strong contender for pizza perfection without grease. Now grease is used for a lot of things these days. We have a former youth who fuels his car by using it, but it’s main purpose for being on this earth is to saturate our pizza. It is amazing that we can use something to power engines and at the same time demand it on our pizza, I guess maybe we shouldn’t eat it like we do, but one thing is for sure, pizza can only be pizza when you pick up a slice of it and a puddle of grease has formed on your plate (which is really good to use as a dipping sauce for your crust). Because J & S has fought the good fight in terms of not backing down from grease, I give it 4 and a half Carmonies.